The Canadian Blog
by kimmyshhhh
Summary: "Who...?" "...y'know, the guy with the syrup..." "..." "...kinda, looks like Al..."
1. I'm Canada

The Canadian Blog

**So, I kinda wanna write about Canada, but I want to have America and England in it. And I wanna write a world meeting, but I kinda wanna write a blog type thing…. Hmmm… Let's see where this goes…**

Hey. My name is Matthew Williams. Otherwise known as Canada. This is my polar bear. His name is Kumajiro.

_Who… who are you?_

I just told you, Kumajiro. I'm Can-a-da… As you may already know, I'm quite forgettable.

_Who…?_

CAN-A-DA… I wouldn't be surprised if you've never heard of me… I'm located in North America, directly above my brother, Alfred. He's the United States of America. He seems to be the reason that no one ever remembers me. No, he doesn't "seem to be the reason", he IS the reason. His head is big enough to fill both of our lands plus some. My soft, quiet nature is completely overpowered by Al. He's loud, energetic, obnoxious, and has a God-complex that rivals Prussia's. Not that I have anything against Gilbert, he just has a HUGE ego.

Anyway, I don't know how Al got to be so annoying and, as he thinks he is, "awesome." We were both raised by Arthur, who always taught to be civilized (well, accept for when he was drunk). Artie really is a good guy. Manners were the first thing he taught us. (This was before he attempted to force his nasty cooking on us. I much prefer Francis's food.) He may have been strict, sometimes. Well, a lot of the time. Especially towards Al. Maybe, that's the reason Al wanted to rebel against him so badly… But that's a story for another day.

Right now, I want to talk about the many glorious things my lands and people have to offer this world. I, Canada, have a lot to show you.

_Who's Cayda…? _

It's CAN-A-DA. I'm Canada! And I, CANADA, am a very important nation. I'm sure that other nations couldn't get along without me. 

_Who…?_

CANADA! CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA, CANADA! MY NAME IS CANADA! I AM THE NATION OF CANADA! I AM CANADA!

_Who…? _

CAN-A-DA!... Anyway, what was I saying? Oh yeah. I was talking about what I have to offer the world. Besides the great sport of hockey, I have some beautiful scenery.

**Which would be nice if you could get past the bitter cold. Seriously Mattie, can't you get any heaters or something. I can't stand to visit you, if it's that cold. Even heroes have limits. **

*eye roll* Sure, Al, let me just install my central heating on the whole country. Buy a parka, genius. 

**I have a parka! How else would I maintain the great state of Alaska, as well as my other northern states? **

Well, buy a better one. It's not my fault your cold.

**BUT IT'S YOUR HOUSE!**

*eye roll* Ignoring my brother, I am going to continue to tell you about the scenery in my land.

**Which doesn't make it any warmer…**

FIRST, I would like to mention the great Niagara Falls. This is something you may have heard of. It's a beautiful waterfall that is on the coast of my land.

**And is half in MY state of New York…**

*sigh* Moving on. There IS more scenery, AWAY from my southern borders.

**But no one ever notices because it's TOO COLD! **

OKAY! There is Newfoundland. Which is kind of close to Alfred's Maine, but no, not really. Anyway, in Newfoundland, there's a place called Iceberg Alley. This is where 10,000 years old icebergs from Greenland gently melt into the gulf stream of southeast Newfoundland and Labrador.

**Too cold to notice **

*loud sigh* And, of course there are the famous Hotel de Glace. This is North America's only ice hotel. When it was opened in 2001, it had over -

**Freezing**

half a million visitors. And I can't forget the fabulous—

**IT'S SOOOOOOOOOOOOO COLD!**

Al! We get it! … Let's talk about something else. Like… Canadian culture! There are two main languages we speak in Canada: English and French. This is because Artie and Francis both had colonies on my land, when I was very young. They taught me some of their culture, but we still have our own original Canadian culture, as well.

_Who…?_

**Dude, the bear forgot your name. Hahahahaha!**

CAN-A-DA! MY NAME IS CANADA! Quit laughing, Al! It's not funny! You big-headed ego-maniac! Why don't you try to live in your gigantic shadow? Every day, when Cuba sees me walking down the street, he hits me on the head repeatedly. He thinks I'm you! And when have you ever bothered to tell him to stop confusing us? If you weren't so awful to the guy, this wouldn't happen. Every time, I walk into a G8 meeting everyone looks at me like they've never met me. All they see is the quiet guy that looks kinda like Alfred, or they don't see me at all! The only time I was actually REALLY acknowledged this year was at the Olympics.

**Really? You're gonna bring up the Olympics? Not cool, Mattie. **

*laced with sarcasm* Oh, I'm sorry. You don't like to talk about how I beat you in both Women's and Men's hockey?

**Seriously Mattie, I really don't want to talk about that hockey game.** **Either of them. **

Oh so the great heroic Alfred doesn't want to hear about how much better at hockey I am than him?

**Seriously Mattie, that is the ONLY thing you can do better than me. Everything else I'm the winner. **

Accept with cooking. I'm a hell of a lot better at cooking than you are.

**What kinds of food do you even have? Besides that weird bacon? **

… Syrup…

**That's about it.**

Ok Al. My head is starting to hurt. I'm done arguing for now.

**You're right. I'm too hungry to fight with you. **

Want me to make some pancakes?

**Mmmm… Pancakes… **

Not just any pancakes, Canadian pancakes.

_Who…?_

**From the author,**

**TA-DA! Well, this is where this fanfic took us. Don't know what happened to the world meeting. Seriously, I've been trying to write this fricking meeting fic FOREVER. I just got major writers block, or it comes out awful, or I end up with this. (Maybe, some other chapter? If I don't, y'know, die of writer's block.) Honestly, I had no idea where I was going with this originally. I just started writing and this came out of my fingertips. **

**I love Mattie, just saying. **

**BTW, I'm not Canadian (I'm quite American, actually), so if anything's completely wrong with the Canadian-ness of this, please do tell me. **

**Review if you must. **


	2. Lunch with Al and Artie

**So guys, I feel wicked cool right now. Thanks for the reviews~ Stay awesome, or I will punch you in the face! Whoa! That's sounds harsh! :DDD**

Hello again! This is Matthew Williams. If you've already forgotten, I'm the nation of Canada. Again, I'm located right above my "heroic" brother, Al, who is the United States of America. I just thought I retell you who I am so you don't have to go back to the last chapter and look it up.

_Who… Who are you?_

Oh you silly bear, I'm your owner, Canada. You all remember Kumajiro, yes?

_Who… who are you?_

Canada! Can-a-da. Why doesn't anyone remember my name? I hate being overshadowed by Al's HUGE ego…

Anyway, I'm sure you would like to learn more about me. (I hope.) Or maybe you want to hear about my day? Ah, yes let's start with my day. Today, I made plans to go out to lunch with Artie. We haven't talked to each other in such a long time. I thought it would be nice to catch up: just the two of us. Well, nothing ever goes the way I want it to, now does it? 

Around 11:30 am, Al charged into my house, demanding breakfast. *sigh* He does this quite a lot actually. He doesn't even ask. He just walks, no runs, into my house and whines about how hungry he is. Then, he pouts his eyes at me through his glasses, thinking that I'll just give in. (Really Al? The puppy-dog face?) I don't know why he thought that would work; that air head. I told him that I've already had breakfast and that I was about to go out, but I didn't want to tell him where. After a minor struggle that ends with Al sitting on my chest, I gave in and told him about my lunch plans. He was not happy. He complained and complained and complained, until I couldn't stand it any longer. The lunch plans had changed from a quiet lunch with the two of us, to lunch with Artie, Al, and me.

_Who are you…? _

I'm Canada.

_Who…?_

CAN-A-DA. I am Canada. My own bear doesn't even remember my name. This is all my brother's fault. If he wasn't such an over bearing, self-centered, loud mouth…. What was I talking about? Oh yes, my lunch. Yes, Artie, Al, and I were all going out to lunch. *sarcasm* Fun.

**I know right? Wasn't that so much fun? Mattie, we need to go out to lunch more often! **

AH! Al, you scared me. Don't sneak up on me like that.

**Wimp. **

*eye roll* Why are you here? How did you get in? I thought I locked the door…

**You did. I came in through the window. Seriously Mattie, you have to be more careful. If you leave your windows unlocked, ANYONE can get in. Who are you trying to keep out anyway? Is that Prussian bothering you again? Do you need me to kick his ass? **

No! Al, Gilbert wasn't bothering me. He's my friend. Please, don't go picking fights. I just didn't want anyone barging into my house and bothering me AGAIN.

**That Prussia is your friend? How can you stand- Whoa! Hold it! Someone was barging into your house? WHO? **

… Are you really that dumb? I'm not even going to answer that. Anyway, what was I talking about before I was rudely interrupted?

**You were talking about the AWESOME day we have. And seriously Mattie, if someone is bothering you , I WILL kick their ass. **

How about kicking your own ass? Anyway, as I was saying—

***sarcasm* Haha. Very funny. **

AS I WAS SAYING, the three of us went out for lunch. I wanted to go to this nice little diner in Newfoundland, but Al wanted to go to McDonald's.

**I didn't want to go to McDonald's. I wanted to go to BurgerKing. There IS a difference.**

Whatever. Artie and I argue with Al for a while, before we convince Al that they serve hamburgers at the diner.

**Dude, tell them about the desert! It went all over—**

I'M GETTING TO IT. We get to the diner and they take our order. Well, they take Al and Artie's orders. The waitress apparently didn't hear me over Al's voice. Or see me over Al's fat head.

**Hahahaha! I forgot! I was… talking to Iggy.**

Talking? Yeah sure, if you can call throwing napkins and straws talking. Or are you referring to laughing, quite loudly, about how angry Iggy was getting?

**I'm not the only one who enjoyed my presence. The waitress thought I was pretty damn hilarious. People just love me.**

In case you didn't notice, Artie and I did NOT think you were all that funny.

_Who… are you…? _

I'm Canada. I'm Canada! I'M CANADA! I'm sick of everyone forgetting me! This is all your fault, Al! If you weren't so- *sigh* … Why don't I finish the story? … After we got our food (and yes I did eventually get to order) we ate. Well, Artie and I ate. Al more like inhaled his food.

**Inhaled? I was eating hamburgers! I just couldn't wait for the next bite. I love hamburgers… **

…Al?... I think he's drifted off into another daydream. Quick! I'll finish the story before he comes back. After we ate, Al insisted on having desert. (Could we have expected any less than that?) Guess what he wanted? Ice cream. In case you didn't know this, Al loves ice cream. He got s excited, when he saw the waitress carrying it over to our table. (And HE'S the oldest. He acts like he's six sometimes.) He sees the ice cream coming and kneels on the seat. Artie scolds him for acting so uncivilized, but I don't think Al heard him. His eyes were fixed on the desert.

**Hey! This is the good part! I saw the ice cream and I REALLY wanted it. So, when the waitress got close enough, I took it off the tray. And then—AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

I don't think that was very funny. As everyone on the entire planet knows, you never take food off a waiter/waitress's tray. They set it up do it's balanced and they can carry it with one hand. But, apparently Al doesn't know that.

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

He grabbed the ice cream off the tray, leaving it unbalanced. The other two bowls toppled right onto my head. It was not fun.

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! ALL OVER MATTIE'S HEAD! IT WAS HILARIOUS! **

_Who…?_

….Why does these things always happen to me?

**From me!**

**AAAAAHHHH! I put Al in it again. I totally wanted to do the meeting, only IT'S NOT GOING ANYWHERE! I don't know why I wanted him to go out to lunch with England. I just kinda wanted to imply USxUK. Also, Al calls England, Iggy. NO IDEA WHY: I JUST THOUGHT IT WAS CUTE! Hmmm…. I wanna put Prussia in one of these, one day. Right now I'm listening to Mien Gott… This may be why I have Prussia on my mind. Not much actual country of Canada stuff in here this time. I should put more in there…. next time. **

**~Review, love~**


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